Scones, sushine and how to make friends

 Right now Portland looks like this:

The wonder does not escape me.  I have friends and family on the east coast that have experienced the snowiest winter in recent history. It's still February and this morning I got too hot while sitting on my stoop in a t-shirt and jeans. The sun feels amazing.

It was all around a pretty nice day. I walked down my street running errands and soaking up the sun, spent some time writing a paper at a coffee shop, and in the middle of the day a new friend came by to do a little baking project. We made chocolate almond scones.

While sitting on my front steps, in the February sun, we talked about making friends- the nervousness of having to get out of your comfort zone, ask someone to spend time with you, risk the chance of dismissal. Making new friends takes guts. Before I moved to Portland I started to plan how I would create exactly the life that I wanted there. I made lists, and asked for advice. The thing I was the most nervous about was meeting people. 

Because I love lists so much, I made a list. This was a few months before my move. I had never been to Portland, nor was I even sure that that was where I would end up moving. But I knew I wanted to move somewhere new, and I knew that no matter where that somewhere was, I would need to work hard to make myself a new network of friends, or I wouldn't enjoy it. 

This was my list of how I planned to meet people:

Ways I could meet people:

• go to campus events & join a club (maybe)
• take photography class
• go to transfer student orientation
• find meet ups or similar online?
• take classes around town, like maybe a bike repair class or knitting classes at a shop?
• start going to a regular coffee shop to do work
• find a local bar
• don’t be afraid to to reach out to people who seem cool
• see some local bands

In general, these were all fine ideas. But there is something left out. Something big. All of these ideas just get me as far as potentially being in the same place as someone I may want to befriend. This accomplishes the very very first step- how do you find someone. But there is still something else, something big. You have to start down that road. And maybe you are nervous, or the other person is. Or maybe they think you are perfectly nice, but they already have tons of friends, and spending the time to get to know you isn't really on their radar?

Isn't it scary to approach someone new and try to start a conversation? How about taking the step after that?

In the last couple of years living here in a new city, I have learned how to ask for what I want. Nora teased me recently about how openly I ask people "Will you be my friend?" I know it sounds like a scene from Sesame Street. It's silly and awkward. But the funny thing is, it often works. People say yes. 

It's just the first step. Making friends takes work. Friendship is a thing you have a build. 

But isn't it exciting to know how possible it is, if you just know how?  It can be embarassing, it can sometimes lead to nothing. But asking is a decent way to start. And I am getting better at it.